A dead woman's ear wax..

So...at my temp job I work with people who are deaf and hard of hearing. I'm just the office assistant, no bigs. But some very interesting things happen around here, I must say.

Today I get a call from a lady asking if we received a returned hearing aid from her mother. So I go back and ask our telecommunications consultant if she has the package I gave to her last week.

We open a couple that aren't the right one.

Then we opened a small black box. Seemingly a non threatening Beltone box that holds a hearing aid that belonged to a deceased woman. May she rest in piece.

When we open it.. that sucker was COVERED in crusty, flaky yellow ear wax. (Not like a lollipop sucker......the freakin hearing aid weirdos. Gross.)

I gagged. I don't gag. (giggity) But I gagged. Yeah.. we threw that one away. The state will just have to deal because there was no way the TC was cleaning that. I sanitized and moved on.....

But I am scarred. The life kind.

So I did my 3rd day of Week 2 of the C25K yesterday. I have to say that it is SO much easier to run in the evening than in the afternoon like I did on Tuesday. I just get too hot! And its not even hot out yet! It is only March!!! Know what else would be easier? If I had a treadmill. I might ask for an inexpensive one for my birthday. Of course I've changed my mind on what I want for my birthday about a bajillion times.

I'm like a child.

I need to go jog today after work because I didn't on Wednesday. But I don't really feel like it. Like.....at all. It's Friday! I want a beer! Not boob sweat. Maybe I will though. I need to. It's only 30 minutes of my day. Doesn't help that my sister has been working from home all day makin' me all jealouz.

I have also realized that I need to set like.. a goal. And a date for said goal. My ULTIMATE goal is to lose 35 pounds. I don't know how long that would take me. But I have a date in mind. I have to go back to the lady Dr. again on July 20th. That's in 4 months. What is an attainable weight goal for for months? 20 pounds? Can I lose 20 pounds in 4 months? I think so.

So that's my new goal.

Lose 20 pounds by July 20th.

Think I can do it? I'd like to lose more. That would be awesome.

So then when should I set my main goal? 35 pounds. October? That gives me 7 months to lose 35 pounds. Is that enough time? Too much time? I have no idea. Someone HELP!!!!

Hope ya'll have a good weekend! I hope I do too! No plans as of right now but to watch some North Carolina basketball tonight! Go UNC! Go State! Wooh! (ugh. when does football start again?)

What better song than Chicken Fried on a Friday? There isn't one.

Weigh in Day

So Thursdays are my official "weigh in" day. I tried for a good like... 3 minutes to try and figure out a witty way to word the posts but the only thing I could come up with was

Thunder Thigh Thursday

That won't do. Can ya'll help me? What can I title my Thursday weigh in posts?

Anyways.....I have been weighing myself on 2 scales. My scale at home, which is HIGHLY inaccurate. And the one here at work.. which is closer to the doctor's measurements and is more reliable. I just don't want to get used to using the scale at work since I will only be here for another month or so.

Anyways (yeah I said it again, deal.) according to unreliable home scale I lost 1.5 lbs. According to more reliable and asshole work scale I lost 1/2 a pound. Which is probably more accurate.

But when I went to the Dr. on Tuesday I had lost 4.6 pounds since my last appt exactly 2 weeks before! So that lifts my spirits.

I guess I should fill you on on what I have been doing TO lose weight. I have been eating healthier, trying to stick around 1,200 calories a day. I have been also half doing Weight Watchers. I KNOW it works because it has worked for me before but I just don't have the money to pay for the program right now. However I lost more weight the week that I was trying to do weight watchers than when I was counting calories alone so I don't know. I'm going to play with it still and get back to ya'll.

The best website ever to use for this is http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ I am logged into it all day every day and everything I put in my mouth goes on that site. [Insert sexual joke here.] Their food database is HUGE and pretty much anything you eat someone has already entered. From what I have found, they are accurate measurements. Plus, users can give a food entered by another user "confirmations" so if a food has a lot of confirmations, you know the information is accurate. You can also track carbs, protein, fat and fiber on here which is what you need to calculate WW points. Lastly, and probably my favorite feature of this site, is that you can enter recipes. With their huge database it takes no time at all and you can figure out the damage any meal would do to your day. It has really helped me lighten up my recipes and still be able to eat what I enjoy. In moderation, of course.

I am also committing to a program called C25K....or Couch to 5K program. Basically, you slowly build up your stamina by alternating jogging and walking until you can run 30 minutes non stop, or a 5k.

I am currently finishing up week 2, where you run 90 seconds and walk 2 minutes for 20 minutes. It is totally not easy for me. But I do it, and I feel great afterwards.

I am also running in a slightly ghetto fashion as of right now. No money means no new do-dads to take with me on my runs. I mean.. I have clothes and shoes but I don't have a stop watch. Soooo I run with my kitchen timer in my hand. Hey, at least it's a FANCY kitchen timer I got at Target.

I also do not currently have an iPod as mine was stolen last summer. I have an old iPod mini but all the songs on it are so old, I don't have the cord to connect it to my computer and I can't find my earbuds. (I'm a super organized person.) So yeah, if you see a fat girl running with a kitchen timer singing her own songs, that'd be me. Until I get my tax returns that is. Then I will be purchasing a few things to make my runs go a little smoother.

Some of the ideas I have are as such: (I ALWAYS spend money before I get it. Bad habit.)



iPod Shuffle- $46.00 at Wal*Mart



An Actual Sport Watch- $16.99



There is also something of significant importance that I must speak with you all about. It is called the Dorito Taco and they have been showing commercials for it the past couple of weeks. I don't know WHY they come out with THE most delicious looking morsel of food ever when I am deciding to not eat like a cow. I am going to need severe interventions to get me to not eat this gift from god. So if you're with me, don't let me. And I thank you.



I just made myself really hungry.



So that concludes my Thunder Thigh Thursday. (Whoops. Dammit.) What other accessories do ya'll use when you exercise/workout?

Creation Explanation

So I promised you all an explanation as to why I decided to embark on this vain journey I call a personal blog.

If you know me personally, you know I enjoy talking about myself. I mean....who doesn't?

If you don't know me personally then......sup? A/S/L (kidding.)

Ok really reason numero uno for starting this blog is because I'm starting this stupid weight loss journey. And I need something to hold me accountable. I feel like if I am sharing my personal information for all those out there who care to read then maybe it will keep me going.

Lesbihonest. I have started this "journey" many MANY times. I have always failed. Well when I went to have a procedure at the doctor a couple of weeks ago and I saw my disgusting weight I knew I needed to do something. Like..now. Perhaps I will share that weight with you in the future, once I've lost some of it.

I remember my doctor telling me when I was 16 that I needed to start exercising.

"Say whaaaaat? Yeah right." Said skinny 16 year old me. Okay maybe I was never SKINNY per-se, but average. I was not overweight but since obesity runs in my family it was advised that I started on a healthier lifestyle then instead of waiting.

Wish I had listened.

Stylish 16 year old me

Here I am.. almost 10 years later.. and a good 40 pounds heavier saying "JULIA... GET OF THE DANG UM COUCH AND DO SOMETHING"

or even

"JULIA. STOP ENGAGING IN THAT RECREATIONAL DRUG THAT MAKES YOU EAT AT UNGODLY HOURS OF THE NIGHT."

Ahh high school Julia. And college Julia.

So anyways, watch me try to lose weight via blog, or whatever. If I actually lose some maybe I will post the GOD AWFUL before pictures I took last week. Oh man do I need to become an after picture more than anything.

This blog will also be a vehicle to communicate the many (many) awkward things that happen to me on a daily basis. It's kinda like Murphy's Law, Julia style. If something awkward can happen in a situation, it WILL happen to me.

And I'm starting a new job at the end of April which will likely lead me to many awkward encounters. I just can't WAIT. (sarcazm)

So this blog will not be like my food blog. This blog will be me. Unedited, unashamed (word?), unfiltered ME.

Are you as excited as I am? Subscribe to my posts, you'll be delighted daily.

My skirt blew up.....again.

I have been wanting to start this blog for a while and I will explain the blah blahs about that momentarily but first I have to explain the title of this post.

My skirt blew up....again.

Meaning, this is not the first time that people have seen the Julia show from below.

The first time was.. 2 summers ago I think. I had left my car at Kevin and Melissa's house overnight after some heavy drinking. I had my mom take me to my car the next day. I had on a cute black skirt and a blue tank top. And a thong, of course. I don't own "butt panties" ass I call them. I just don't like them.

It was a blustery day. My mom pulls up in front of the house and Kevin is outside washing his boat with his totally adorable (totes adorbs is what I wanted to say) son. I get out of my car and reach my arm up to wave and what happens? My skirt flys up and does a good 5 second flutter. Revealing my thonged ass.

Kevin looked away quickly pretending like he didn't see it. I called my sister laughing histerically but also totally MORTIFIED. (Did I sound like one of those people that writes into Seventeen magazine??)

Well, needless to say he DID see and I have NOT heard the end of it. 2 years later.

Fast forward to this morning. I walk out to my car to get a stamp to mail my rent check. A nice gust of wind lifts my brown cotton skirt of and there's the show again! Lets not even discuss the fact that my bare ass was facing the office.

Let us DO discuss the fact that a Cintas truck was pulling up as this happened.

Know who drives a truck for Cintas? Kevin.

Thankfully he was not driving this truck (I know, that would make the story much better). Instead, another Cintas employee got the opportunity to witness my white whale.

And I thank you.

Explination on the creation at this blog later today. Right now, I actually have some work to do. (??) Ugh.